Jetblack and the Seven Teachers
by CJ Snapeness
Summary: Another Harry Potter fairy tale! Based on Snowhite and the Seven Dwarfs! Dedicated to Spunkz, for all her kindness! Plz R&R!


Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, an evil Queen called Voldermort (Voldermort:"Queen? What do you mean Queen? I am the evil Lord Voldermort! Not a Queen!") was jealous of her step daughter Jetblack. (Harry Potter:"What? I'm not called that! I'm not even a girl!" Narrator: *coughs* Exscuse me? This is my story and I can do what I like.") Now as I was saying, the evil Queen Voldermort was jealous of her step daughter, and made her do servents work. Deep inside the castle, Queen Voldermort was talking to her magic mirror.  
"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Tell me, Aren't I the fairest of them all?" said Queen Voldermort.  
"Hell no! Jetblack's the fairest, not you ya great prune!"answered the Magic Mirror.  
"Great a mirror that's got an attitude problem towords me." sighed Queen Voldermort.  
Mean while, Jetblack was cleaning the stairs of the Castle, (Harry: Why? Narrator: Because the steps are dirty and Queen Voldermort hates you. Now stop whining!!!) when along came the handsome Prince Cho Chang! (Narrator: Happy? Harry Potter: It's a start.) Anyway, Prince Cho Chang saw Jetblack, he fell in love with her instantly. So he went up to her and gave a nudge on the shoulder. At that Jetblack jumped and when she set her eyes on him-- (Harry Potter: Hold on! Hold on a minute! Narrator: What now? Harry Potter: Why couldn't have I been the prince? Narrtor: Ummm...Because it's funnier, now QUIT WHINING AND LET ME GET ON WITH THE STORY!!!) Right, before I was rudley interuppted, when Jetblack laid her eyes on him for the first time she fell in love with him, just as he did with her. But in embarassment, Jetblack ran back into the castle but looked back out at him through a window. The Prince blew Jetblack a kiss and went back to his horse and rode off into the village below. A couple of days later, after much thinking, the Evil Queen Voldermort summoned the village Huntsman to the castle.   
"I wan't you to kill Princess Jetblack!" sneered Queen Voldermort.  
"Right, Ok! No poblem. I'll do it tonight if you want." said Draco Malfoy the Huntsman.  
"HOLD IT," Jetblack appears from no where to argue with the Auther...again."Why Draco Malfoy? The Huntsman's not surpposed to KILL the princess. Have you even read Snowhite and the Seven Dwarfs?"  
The narrator magically comes from the room next door.  
"Well, no actually, but I have seen the disney cartoon so I know how it goes. Plus this is a Harry Potter version and it's my story so stick with it." argued the Narrator.  
"But still, I refuse to have Malfoy to be the huntsman who tries to kill me!"  
"I know how the story goes, stupid! Draco just adds a twist to it, instead of him refusing to kill you, you beat his face in when he pulls the knife, Ok?"  
"Oh, if you put it that way, I can't refuse."  
"Exscuse me, but can we get on with the story now?" said Queen Voldermort rather lazily.  
"Yes, yes, but I need to tell the people what you are wearing through the whole story. Right. Evil Queen Voldermort is wearing dashing dark purple dress...um, I mean robes with a black cape, as she is bald disguising that is a tight hood around her face and a nice gold crown on top of her head. Draco Malfoy the Huntsman is wearing Green tights..er I mean leggings, a green top, a green robin hood hat and green velvet boots to to the knee, or in other words, what robin hood wears in the disney cartoon robin hood. Jetblack (or your well loved Harry Potter) is wearing the same suit as Snowhite wears in the disney version, complete with red bow. And last but not least, Prince Cho Chang who's not here at the moment, wears....Whatever a prince wears, I'll let you deside on that yourself. Now back to the Story!" the Narrator and Jetblack all of a sudden disappear and Queen Voldermort and Draco Malfoy the Huntsman are alone again.   
"Do it tomorrow morning, and bring me back her heart as proof in this box." said Queen Voldermort as she handed Draco Malfoy the Huntsman a Blood red, velvet box with a heart shaped lock.  
"Why? Don't you think I can't do the job?" replied Draco Malfoy the Huntsman.  
"You could chicken out like most of the people I had to try and kill her."   
"I resent that! I will carry out my duty," and with that Draco Malfoy that Huntsman walked off.  
The next morning, Draco Malfoy the Huntsman took Jetblack deep into the forest, despite the fact the Huntsman (Draco Malfoy: How come you didn't write my full name? Narrator: Because I'm getting tired off typing it so much. Draco Malfoy: Right, Ok.) as I was saying the Huntsman had difficulty getting her there, as Jetblack said she refused to go with a Rat faced Twat in green tights. So struggling on the journey, she then spotted a cute little Wabbit! (Harry Potter: A what? Narrator: I mean a rabbit. Harry Potter: Like hell I'd do that. Narrator: Shut up.) Anyway she rushed over to the thing and started petting it. (Harry Potter: WHAT?!?!0_0 Narrator: NOT THAT KIND OF PETTING!!!) Meanwhile the Huntsman pulled out a knife and started creeping up behide Jetblack's back. The rabbit suddenly spoke to Jetblack, for strange reason in parseltongue.   
"The big meanie Huntsman is going to kill you, quickly pick up the club like branch and knock him senseless! And then run as fast as you can, further into the woods. I leave you now, good bye!" and with that, the rabbit hopped off.   
"Thank you mister wabbit! Gee, I didn't even know rabbits could speak parseltongue." said Jetblack as she waved good bye to the rabbit. Jetblack quick picked up the stick that looked remarkably like a basball bat and swung it at the Huntsman's head, knocking him out cold. (Narrator: I'm am truley sorry for the volience in this story, and if kids are reading this, I hope you don't actually act this out or tell you your parents about this fic. Plus if you are under 13, you'll be hearing from my lawyer, this fic is a Pg-13 not a G. I also want to say sorry to Draco fans, I like draco too but you got to admit, it is funny.) After about five minutes of whacking the Huntsman's head, making sure he is actually out stone cold, Jetblack ran deeper into the forest not stopping until she fell. Crying and weeping on the forest floor, all the little animals came out to see what was going on. Jetblack looked up to see the animals coming closer to her.  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? A PETTING ZOO?" she shouted in anger, scaring the animals away.  
"That wasn't very nice," the rabbit he saw before was back again, still speaking in parseltongue.  
"Why the hell are you speaking in parseltongue when you're not even a snake?"  
"Well Exscuse me! It's not my fault I have a friend who's a snake. He's a vegaterian you know."  
"How nice..."  
"Anyway, I'll take you to a place where you can stay. Follow me!"  
Jetblack had no choice but to follow the strange rabbit to where she was going. They went over Seven hills and past seven little water falls, until they came to a cottage.   
"What's this place?" asked Jetblack.  
"This, my friend, is the home of the seven teachers." replied the Rabbit.  
"Why here?  
"Well, you can't exactly go back to the palace and you don't fit down a rabbit hole, so you're better off staying here."  
"Well, I guess it's better than nothing."  
Jetblack went up to the cottage and knocked on the door. But no one answered, so she tried again and still no one answered.   
"No ones home you daft rabbit!"  
"So? Use your wand to get in, ya idiot."  
"Fine. Alohamora!"  
The door unlocked and she went inside. In the cottage, she saw seven chairs around a big table, a huge fire place on the oppossite wall of the door big enough for a man to fit in, a door to the kitchen on her right and on her left a bunch of stairs. Jetblack went inside to have a look around, first she went into the kitchen. The kitchen was in a mess, their were pots, pans, plates, knifes and forks all over the place from this morning. Jetblack sighed and with a wave of wand, she cleared the place up. In the dinning room some of the chairs had fallen over as if someone had been in a fight. With yet another wave of her wand, she cleared up the mess and she continued to clean up the cottage until she became tired, so she went upstairs. When she got up the little stairs she saw two rooms, one saying on it Men and the other one Women.(Harry Potter: Which room should I go in?) Confused at her sex type she desided to go to the Mens. (Harry Potter: Thank you.) But only to have a look around, then she would go to sleep in the Womens bedroom. (Harry Potter: Evil, aren't you? Narrator: Yes. *evil laughs*) When she stepped into the mens bedroom, she saw four beds and each had a name on it. One had Dopy Lockhart, another Doc Dumbledore, there was also Happy Lupin and Grumpy Snape. Jetblack, for some reason, shuddered at the last one. (Harry potter: I wonder why. Narrator: Do I detect a bit of sarcasm? Harry Potter: Never mind.) After a quick look around, she went into the Womens bedroom. It was like the mens, but only had three beds. On one bed it said Sleepy Mcgonagall, another said Sneezy Sprout and the last one said Bashful Trelawnly. Very tired, Jetblack got into Sleepy Mcgonagall's bed and went to sleep.  
Meanwhile, further back into the forest, Draco Malfoy the Huntsman awoke with a splitting head ache.  
"Wha?" the Huntsman said and he looked around frantically."The Princess? Where is she? AWWW CRAP! I'm never gonna get that gold. Unless..."  
The Huntsman walked off with a sly grin on his face. (Draco Malfoy: Wha--- Narrator: Zip it! Draco Malfoy: Bu-- Narrator: Ah! Draco Malfoy: Bu-- Narrator: JUST SHUT UP!!! Draco Malfoy: O-kay...)  
In another part of the woods, the 7 teachers were starting to come home from work. They worked at Hogwarts, Mine of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Narrator: So Actually, they bewitched mining tools to dig up magic stones and stuff like that.) But it was a tough job none the less.   
"Ooooow, What's this thing?" asked Lockhart as he held up a brown clump of mud.  
"That would be another dirt clod. Well done! That's you 1000th dirt clod and as a prize you can chuck it at anyone you want!" replied Lupin.  
"Wow! Can I really? Wicked now who? Aaah yes!" Lockhart then through the dirt clod at Snape, hitting him in the head.  
"Whatch where you are trowing your dirt clods Lockhart, or you might end up dead!" spat Snape. He then pulled out his wand and turned Lockhart's hair into snakes.  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! EW, CHANGE IT BACK, CHANGE IT BAACK!" shrieked Lockhart while running about the place like a mad man.  
"Calm down Dopey," said Dumbledore with a wave of his wand, changing Lockhart's hair back to its blonde curly status. "Grumpy, don't get upset so easliy. Now let us go home, it has been quiet a tiring day."  
They all packed their things and left. On their way home, Lockhart wanted to sing a song.  
"Let's sing a song! I know a good one,"said Lockhart, he then coughed and began to sing. "I'm so pretty! Oh so Pretty! I'm so pretty and witty and Gay!"  
"That's....true," yawned Mcgonagall.  
"And stop singing, you're making me blush," blushed Trelawnly.  
So without another peep from Lockhart, they walked all the way home to their cottage. Mean while, back at the castle, Queen Voldermort was talking to her mirror again.  
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, now tell me who is the fairest of them all?" said Queen Voldermort.  
"I told you before Queeny, Jetblack is the fairest of all!" shouted back the mirror.  
"What the hell are you going on about, Draco Malfoy the Huntsman, brought me back her heart here in this box." Queen Voldermort then shows the mirror the heart in the box.  
"Jetblack still lives, ya dick. It's the heart of a pig, you hold in you hands!"  
"The heart of a pig?"  
"That's what I just said!"  
"Shut up mirror! I need to think. Yes, I know what to do." said Queen Voldermort and she walked off down stairs to her secret chamber.   
Back at the cottage, the seven teachers have arrived home.  
"Wait!" shouted Lupin. "Why are the candles lit in our cottage?"  
"It's a monster! Quick hide me!" said Lockhart and jumped behind Snape.  
"That's right Lockhart. It's a monster, and it will pull out your eyes and use them as ping pong balls, then it'll pull off your head and make you the uglyest man and creature in the world. And then..." said Snape.  
"And then?" said Lockhart, quivering worse then ever, still behind Snape.  
"It'll make you fat!"   
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't live that way, please Grumpy! Don't let it get me! I'm too beautiful to be made Ugly and Fat!" shrieked Lockhart.  
Snape sneered at the cowarding Lockhart. Dumbledore told them stop being stupid and just get inside the cottage to find out what is going on. So they went up to the cottage and stepped inside. The place to them was alot cleaner then it was when they left that morning.  
"Agh! The monster cleared up the place!" said Lockhart.  
"Don't be so st...st...ACHOO! Sniff. Stupid." sneezed Sprout.  
"Go take a look upstairs, Happy, you too Grumpy." said Lockhart.  
"Why me and him?" said Snape.  
"Because that's just how it is. Now be careful not to touch the womens private stuff in their rooms, or they might kill you." replied Dumbledore.  
"Right, Ok," said Lupin.  
So Snape and Lupin went up to their bedrooms first, nothing in there so they went to go and check the girls bedroom. As they opened the door, they heard someone snoring.   
"Do you think Sleepy's come up when we weren't looking?" asked Lupin.  
"I doubt it, look she's still down there."replied Snape.  
As they entered the room, they saw somwone in Mcgonagall's Bed. They poked it and it turned and sat up, looking at them. They stood there for about three seconds and then.  
"Harry!" said Lupin in surprise.  
"AGGGGH, SNAPE!!!" screamed Jetblack.  
"AGGGGH, POTTER!!! shrieked Snape.  
Snape and Jetblack then all of a sudden, ran about like lunatics, trying to get away from each other, while Lupin was just standing there looking happy because Jetblack was at their cottage. All the other teachers then came rushing upstairs because of all the noise they were making, the Narrator also came up with them.  
"What's going on here?" said Dumbledore.  
"SNAPE!" screamed Jetblack.  
"POTTER!" shouted Snape.  
The narrator then comes up to them and hits them with a mallet.  
"Idiots! Quit calling each other by you real names! I'm off, and if any of you ruin the way the story is running, then I'll kill you!" and with that, the narrator disappeared. While Snape and Jetblack are on the ground.  
"Look, Doc! It's the Princess, Jetblack!" cried Lockhart jumping up and down like the true, gay, slimy git he is.  
"I can see that, Dopey. But what is she doing here?" said Dumbledore.  
"I came here, because my step mother is trying to kill me," said Jetblack as she got up off the floor. "I had no choice but to come here, where it was safe. You don't mind if I stay do you?"  
"Yes-OW!" said Snape as he was getting off the floor, but got hit again on the head by Sprout.  
"No, of c...c... ACHOO! Sniff, Sniff. Course not." said Sprout.  
"Thank you so much! You won't regret this," said Jetblack with a smile on her face.  
"I will...OW" Snape had been knocked out again by Sprout.  
So, Jetblack stayed at the Seven Teacher's cottage, but mean while, back at the castle Queen Voldermort was doing something...Well, evil.  
"MWAHAHAHA, with this spell shall change me into a trusting friend of Jetblacks and then I'll kill her! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Queen Voldermort. "Oh evil of the night, make my hair grow and turn red! Let my face get freckled all over. Make me as young as Jetblack, make me her best friend!" A swirling black cloud surounded Queen Voldermort and turned into a apple selling girl called Ron.   
"Now, for the poisoned apple!" Queen Voldermort pics a red apple from the fruit basket and gets a bottle from a shelf. But instead of picking the poison, she pic the draught of the living death and injects it into the apple. Then Queen Voldermort places the apple on a pile of green apples in a basket, walks down to the river and rides a little boat to the forest, heading to the teachers cottage. Back at the cottage, morning has risen and the seven teachers are getting ready to go to work.  
"What a Beautiful day," grined Lupin. "Shame we have to go to work. Oh well, let's go!" Then he walked out the door.  
"Well, we better be going. Good bye Miss Jetblack," said Dumbledore and then everyone left the cottage.  
"Good bye! I'll make you all a pie, see you tonight," called Jetblack after them.  
"Like I'm gonna eat it-OW!" said Snape, but then Sprout whacked him on the head and is now dragging him behind her. As they went over the hills and out of site, Jetblack went inside to begin on the pie. Two hours past, and over the hills and figure could be seen walking towards the cottage, and guess who it was. (Harry Potter: Voldermort... Narrator: Butting in again? I thought I was rid of you interupting me. Harry Potter: You thought wrong then. Narrator: Shut up! Anyway you're not meant to know that's it's Voldermort, so SHUT UP!!!) Now, the strange figure went up to the cottage and knocked on the door.  
"Yes?" said Jetblack as she opened the door.  
"Would you like to buy apples from me? You can try one for free," smiled the apple seller, Ron.  
"Erm, yes I'll try one," replied Jetblack, and she picked up a green apple.  
"No, not them! Try the red one my dear," she said as she took the apple off Jetblack.  
"Riiight, O-kay," said Jetblack and she bit the red apple. Jetblack suddenly felt a bit strange, then she felt extremley sleepy and then she dropped on the floor.  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!, I've finally got you Jetblack! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,"  
"HEY, YOU!" said a voice from behind. The seven Teachers were back.  
"I'm outta here," said Queen Voldermort and she began to run but then Lupin jumped on her.  
"You ain't going no where Queeny," smiled Lupin.  
"How'd you guess it was me?"  
"You've changed back, here look in the mirror," Lupin passes Lockhart's mirror.  
"Hey, what's wrong with Jetblack?" yawned Mcgonagall.  
"SHE'S DEAD! WHY HAS CRUEL FATE BROUGHT THIS UPON US!" cried Lockhart.  
"No she's not Dopey, she's just asleep. But we need Prince Cho Chang to wake her." explained Dumbledore.  
"Who, me?" said Prince Cho Chang behind them.  
"Where'd you come from?" said Snape. "Don't kiss her, I'm enjoying every minute of her lying there looking like she's dead-OW!" Sprout had hit him on the head again.  
"Shut up and move out the way! As she pushed Lockhart out the way and kissed Jetblack.  
"Wha?" said Jetblack as she awoke. "What happened, oh I remember!"  
"Jetblack, will you marry me?" asked Prince Cho Chang.  
"YES! Yes I will!" replied Jetblack. Prince Cho Chang then picked up Jetblack and put her on his horse.   
"Thank you all so much! Bye bye now, bye bye." and the Jetblack and Prince Cho Chang walked off towards Prince Cho Chang's castle.  
"Hey, what about me?" shouted Queen Voldermort.  
"Oh yeah what do we do with her?" asked Lupin.  
"Let's keep it as a pet! I promise I'll look after it," said Lockhart.  
"Right Ok, you can keep it as a pet, now let's all say good bye to everyone," said Dumbledore.  
"BYE BYE EVERYONE, BYE BYE!" said the seven teachers, except Snape as he was knocked out on the floor.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------THE END------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
I do not own any of the HARRY POTTER Characters. This story is based on Snowwhite and the seven dwarfs. I would also like to say sorry for the ending of it as it goes a bit quick and I couldn't think of a proper ending, but I hope you like it anyway. C'ya around!  
-CJ Snapeness 


End file.
